It Turns Out I Really Love You

In the novel, Su Nianqin asked Sang Wuyan why she liked him.

At the time, Sang Wuyan playfully replied, “Love at first sight.”

In Sang Wuyan’s heart, what did Su Nianqin look like when she first saw him? Was it the face bathed in the morning light by the lake early in the morning, or the stubborn, cold, and proud blind man in the narrow elevator car? Sang Wuyan never said, and Su Nianqin never knew.

“Love at first sight”—this is the phrase in the dictionary of love that I find the most mysterious and elusive.

So, have you ever experienced love at first sight? And what happened then?

I remember one year, when I was buying coffee in the waiting lounge of Sichuan Airport, I met a young man wearing a baseball cap. His cap was pulled low, he was tall, and his legs were straight and slender. I stood beside him, waiting to pay, and only glanced back at him once, and I felt I liked him a little.

In the long terminal building, the broadcast intermittently announced flight information in different languages. Flights from all over the world busily took off and landed on the runway. Yet, I didn’t approach that man. I simply passed him by, boarded our respective flights, and flew to different parts of the Earth. Now, thinking back, I don’t remember his appearance at all, only that momentary spark and beauty remaining in my heart.

Whenever I think of this, I feel that Sang Wuyan might be the embodiment of my obsession, an indescribable obsession with beautiful things.

Every time I finish a book, I receive countless messages from readers, most of them asking if these stories are my own experiences, if people like Mu Chengho, Ai Jingchu, and Su Nianqin truly exist in the world, and if they have prototypes. Faced with such questions, I always feel at a loss, to say yes, or to say no?

I remember Teacher Mo Yan once said, “A writer might write dozens of books in a lifetime. These dozens of books, combined into one, are the writer’s autobiography. The hundreds of characters, combined into one, are the writer’s self.”

So, which part of these characters is my self? Perhaps it’s because I’m so deeply immersed that I cannot answer.

But I know, Su Nianqin, he is that beauty.

He, like A Yan in Liang Yan Xie Yi and Dr. Ai in Shi Jie Wei Chen Li, are beautiful dreams that captivate us. Writing about a blind person has always been an aspiration in my heart. His stubbornness, his sensitivity, his deep affection, his inferiority complex, and his pride have all deeply fascinated me, the author, before. I often wonder, perhaps I am not shaping him, but rather, he already exists in this world, and it is simply through me that his story is told.

Ultimately—

Sang Wuyan, after her love at first sight, made Su Nianqin fall completely in love with her. They met, fell in love, experienced twists and turns, and then returned to peace.

And so—

A single moment, can be a lifetime.

(End of Book)