After Fulfilling My Buddhist Husband and His Childhood Sweetheart, He Chased Me to the Battlefield Morgue - Chapter 1

On our wedding night, my husband left for the Buddhist shrine without even finishing his celebratory drink. It was simply because this cold, distinguished man had always loved my younger sister. Three years of marriage, and I exhausted myself trying to warm a block of ice, only to be met with his even more biting indifference:

“Xu Nanxing, I’d rather convert to Buddhism than love you.”

But the moment the truck came roaring towards me, the man who had hated me my entire life sacrificed himself to save me. Before I lost consciousness, I saw him clutching the doctor, spitting up large mouthfuls of blood.

“Don’t tell that crazy woman who saved her…”

“And don’t let my family… make things difficult for her.”

Tears welled up in my eyes, and I finally understood that he wasn’t the only one at fault in this marriage. After being reborn, I chose to join the International Peacekeeping Force and head to the front lines.

Since we couldn’t grow old together in this life, then I wished him—

Peace every year, never to meet again in any lifetime.

“You’re really crazy. To force me to marry you, you even tried to jump off a building. If you’re so capable, why don’t you just go to heaven?”

A cold voice reached my ears, and I suddenly opened my eyes. What greeted my sight was a peerlessly handsome face, that of Lu Yanzhao, the man who had hated me for three years and died saving me. I hadn’t expected to be reborn and go back three years in time. I gazed at him greedily, my eyes red, my throat dry.

“Lu Yanzhao…” It’s so good that you’re still alive.

“Finally not faking sleep anymore?” He stood up coldly, his eyes deeply shadowed, clearly having been awake all night. “Stop trying to kill yourself. I’m leaving.”

“Stay with me a little longer.” I instinctively reached for his hand, but he avoided my touch. He turned to leave. I got out of bed barefoot and hugged him from behind. His body stiffened, muscles tensing.

“Let go.”

I closed my eyes tightly, cherishing his warmth.

“I just need one minute, just one minute.” I only allowed myself to indulge for one last minute. Then, I had to completely pull away. He forcefully pried my fingers open, his grip hurting.

“Xu Nanxing, you can’t force feelings.”

“I know.”

“You know?” He sneered, “You said the same thing before jumping, but you still jumped to force me to marry you. Don’t you understand that a forced melon isn’t sweet?”

I was pushed back onto the bed, and the door was slammed shut. His warmth lingered on my palm, but it quickly faded. I smiled bitterly. “This time, it’s really different.”

Lu Yanzhao and I grew up together. I liked him, but he always saw me as a sister, as family. In my previous life, I fought and struggled, and we did become husband and wife, but his heart only held my sister. We were a resentful couple for three years, which ultimately led to a bitter end. In this life, I should let go. Fulfill him, fulfill everyone.

My phone vibrated, the screen lit up: “Ms. Xu, you have passed the selection assessment for the International Peacekeeping Organization’s Remains Processing Team. Please report to the headquarters within 15 days for confirmation. To confirm, please reply ‘Accept’.”

I stared at the words “Remains Processing Team” for a long time, my fingertips trembling slightly above the screen. The peacekeeping organization, that was a battlefield half a world away. There were no parents there, no Lu Yanzhao, no Xu Yutong, only the eternally silent deceased and tents perpetually smelling of disinfectant. In my previous life, I also passed the selection, but I clung to the only person who gave me warmth and chose to give up. This time, I firmly pressed: “Accept.”

After a simple tidy-up, I completed my hospital discharge procedures. Opening the front door, the warm lights and conversations inside formed an invisible barrier.

“Sister clearly knows I really want to study abroad, but she still went to the department head to snatch this one spot from me!” Xu Yutong cried, sobbing, “Mom, is Sister trying to force me to my death?”

“Don’t cry, Tongtong,” Mother gently comforted, “When your sister comes back, I’ll make her give the spot back to you.”

Lu Yanzhao pursed his lips, and Father heavily put down his teacup: “Xu Nanxing, come here and explain yourself.”

With a gauze bandage on my forehead, I walked into the living room, my face pale. Four pairs of eyes simultaneously turned to me. All were cold. No one asked about my health, no one cared that I had just come out of the hospital.

Xu Yutong’s eyes were red as she held up her admission notice: “Sister, you have everything, why do you have to snatch this studying abroad opportunity from me too?”

“I have everything?” I repeated her words softly, my nails digging deep into my palm. What did I have? My parents’ love was hers, Lu Yanzhao’s heart was hers, even the best sun-facing bedroom in the house was hers. Now, even the opportunity I fought so hard for, was that going to be hers too? Just because I was born two years earlier, did I have to be the sister who always gave in? I was the one who had everything stolen, yet now, I stood here like a thief, accepting everyone’s judgment.

“Xu Nanxing,” Lu Yanzhao stood up, looking at me coldly, “Give the spot to Tongtong.”

I looked at him, “She couldn’t even pass the professional exam, and I got a perfect score. Why should I give her the study abroad spot?”

Father slammed the table, “Because you fundamentally don’t need it!”

Mother held the sobbing Xu Yutong, “Nanxing, don’t take your anger out on your sister’s future.”

Seeing me silent, Xu Yutong suddenly coughed violently. Lu Yanzhao skillfully took out her asthma inhaler, knelt down, and held it to her mouth: “Don’t be afraid, Tongtong.”

“Nanxing,” Mother pleaded with red eyes, “You know your sister isn’t well. You’re the older sister, and you’re so capable, what’s wrong with letting her have it?”

I looked at my domineering closest relatives. Because I was capable, because my sister was frail. I gave up toys, I gave up the room, I gave up my parents’ affection. In my previous life, the only one I wasn’t willing to give up was Lu Yanzhao, but his heart was always set on her. They sat together, like a perfect family photo. And I stood in the shadows, always the superfluous one.

“The admission notice was earned by my own ability,” I said calmly, “But now, it doesn’t matter.”

“I’ll go to the department and explain.” Studying abroad and excelling in my major was my pursuit. But now that I had chosen to join the International Peacekeeping Force, I wouldn’t cling to these things. Originally, I came home to say I was giving up on studying abroad and to say a proper goodbye. I hadn’t expected that even this couldn’t be fulfilled. Then so be it.

Lu Yanzhao’s expression froze for a moment, and he frowned at me. But Xu Yutong’s sudden sobbing immediately pulled his attention back:

“Brother Zhao, my chest hurts so much…”

“I’ll take you to the hospital.” He picked up Xu Yutong without hesitation, carrying her horizontally. As he passed me, he didn’t even spare me a glance. Father and Mother followed them out. All the care and love I had dreamed of, I didn’t get in my previous life, nor did they belong to me in this life. I held back the tears that threatened to spill, and forced a bitter smile. “It’s okay, Xu Nanxing, one person can be very well too.”

My phone suddenly vibrated, and I answered the call. “Ms. Xu, your reserved wedding venue needs final confirmation on the floral arrangements.”

“Will it still be your favorite champagne roses?”

I suddenly gripped my phone, my knuckles turning white. In my previous life, when I married Lu Yanzhao, I arranged the entire wedding. Those carefully chosen decorations, those eagerly anticipated plans, the humiliating memories flooded back—

I, full of joy, wore a wedding dress to marry him. What I waited for was a groom in a monk’s robe. When the officiant asked us to exchange vows, he held the microphone, his voice clear and cold:

“Xu Nanxing, I’d rather convert to Buddhism than love you.”

My thoughts stopped, my voice eerily calm:

“I’ll transfer you to Ms. Xu Yutong. She’s the real bride.”

The person on the other end of the phone was clearly stunned: “But the invitation says you…”

“It’s canceled.”

I pressed the hang-up button, sent a message to my teacher, and began packing my luggage. For a whole day and night, Mom and Dad didn’t come home. And my things were almost packed. After a simple wash-up, the apartment door suddenly opened. Seeing Lu Yanzhao, I instinctively asked, “Why are you here?” Shouldn’t he be with Xu Yutong at the hospital? He didn’t answer, stepping inside and placing an exquisite cake on the table.

“Your favorite blueberry flavor, eat it.”

I froze. Then I realized, he was trying to cheer me up. Just like before we broke up, whenever I was unhappy, he would buy blueberry cake to cheer me up. He was always like that. While speaking coldly, he remembered all my preferences. Every time I had my period, I would be in excruciating pain, and my parents were indifferent, but he would make me ginger tea with eggs; I was allergic to mangoes, my parents didn’t remember, but he would avoid all food with mangoes; My parents stayed at the hospital all night watching over my sister who had a high fever, I was afraid of being alone, so he would sit in my living room and keep me company; When I jumped off a building and was hospitalized, he was the one who stayed by my side. The one who died under the heavy truck to save me was also him. Day after day, year after year of consistent gentle treatment, it was impossible for me not to crave it. I mistakenly thought he liked me too, just that he himself was unaware of his love. That’s why in my previous life, I held on tightly. But I understood now, it wasn’t because he loved me, but just because he was a good person. He was just repaying the kindness from when I was twelve, and I shielded him from glass shards, getting injured all over.

I pulled my thoughts back and smiled at him. “No need, I don’t like blueberry cake anymore.”

Lu Yanzhao froze, looking at me in confusion. “When did you stop liking it?”

From a long time ago. From after Xu Yutong’s accident. In a flash of lightning, I suddenly remembered that Xu Yutong’s accident in my previous life seemed to happen around this time. I checked my phone, May 1st. It was today, Xu Yutong drowned her sorrows with alcohol but was assaulted, and finally committed suicide by jumping off a building. It was also the beginning of everyone’s hatred towards me. Now that the spot was given to her, and I wasn’t getting married, I didn’t know if she would still drown her sorrows with alcohol. I didn’t have time to explain, and rushed out like crazy. Relying on my memory from my previous life, I called the police in advance and rushed straight to the alley behind the bar. Unexpectedly, Xu Yutong was still in the alley, being forced to drink by several boys. Her cheeks were flushed, and she was laughing wildly.

“Xu Yutong!” I rushed over and grabbed her wrist, “Come home with me.”

“Xu Nanxing? What are you doing here? You don’t need to meddle in my affairs!”

The boys exchanged glances, and one of them, with dyed blond hair, leaned over: “Sister, you’re prettier than your sister, want to join us for some fun?”

The smell of alcohol mixed with smoke on him was nauseating. I spoke coldly. “I’ve already called the police. If you’re smart, you’ll leave quickly!”

They weren’t afraid, and revealed a [censored] smile. My heart panicked, and I quickly grabbed Xu Yutong and ran out. But with a drunkard, I couldn’t run fast, and was caught in two steps. I threw a brick at them, but was slapped several times and pinned to the ground. Xu Yutong seemed to have sobered up, shivering in fear, and ran away directly. And I couldn’t move. The thug’s knee pressed on me, making my spine crack. My entire back was pierced with tiny shards of glass, making me grit my teeth in pain.

“I really called the police, the police will be here in two minutes at the latest, you still have time to stop now!”

After I spoke, I got another few slaps. In my ringing ears, I heard him cursing me for being a busybody and wanting to teach me a good lesson. Then, I heard the police siren blaring just in time.

“[censored]!” They cursed and scattered.

I lay on the cold ground, breathing heavily. So good. At least in this life, Xu Yutong was safe. I shouldn’t become a sinner again.

I had just stood up when a strong force suddenly pushed me against the wall. My back hit the cold brick wall, and the tearing pain from the wound made my vision black.

“Xu Nanxing, I’ve already agreed to marry you, why do you still degrade yourself and Yutong?!” Lu Yanzhao held the trembling Xu Yutong, his eyes icy and piercing. I froze, not understanding, “What are you talking about?”

“Enough!” he interrupted sharply, “Aren’t your self-harming tricks enough? This time you even found people to attack you, and dragged Yutong into it. I will never believe another word you say.”

Xu Yutong sobbed in his arms: “Brother Zhao, I’m so scared, those people just now really terrified me. Sister doesn’t know where she found this group of bad people…”

His voice immediately softened, and he lowered his head to comfort her. “Don’t be afraid, I’ll take you to the hospital.”

I finally understood. Xu Yutong had shifted the blame to me. And Lu Yanzhao believed her. He carried Xu Yutong into the car, never looking back. I gave a bitter laugh, my back covered in blood, without the slightest strength to explain, not even the strength to call for help. Before closing my eyes, I vaguely saw the panicked expressions of passers-by.

When I opened my eyes again, I was lying in a hospital bed. The police pushed the door open and handed me an investigation report.

“Ms. Xu, thanks to your timely report to the police, based on the evidence we have, this criminal gang specialized in luring young women at bars and filming indecent videos for blackmail.”

The officer paused, “If it wasn’t for you, your sister might have already been harmed.”

I nodded silently. I knew all this—in my previous life, Xu Yutong was destroyed this way. At that time, Xu Yutong was deceived by these people, subjected to repeated assaults, and private videos were taken and uploaded to the internet. On the eve of my wedding with Lu Yanzhao, she jumped from the twenty-second floor. The scarlet handwriting on her suicide note is still etched in my mind:

“It’s all Xu Nanxing’s fault! If she hadn’t snatched my spot, why would I have gone to the bar?”

“How would I have ended up like this!”

“She has Brother Zhao, but she still wants to take everything from me!”

“I hate her! She’s the one who killed me!!!”

Because of this suicide note, Lu Yanzhao hated me to the core. My parents even stopped answering my calls. But this time was different—in my previous life, he shielded me from a fatal car accident; in this life, I protected his childhood sweetheart, whom he cherished. We were even.

I fell into a deep sleep again. When I opened my eyes, I saw Lu Yanzhao sitting by the bed again, in an awkward posture, his brows deeply furrowed. He didn’t know when he had arrived, and his arm was still under my head, acting as a pillow. I froze, looking at him in confusion. Was it because I had complained that the hospital pillow was hard, so he used his hand as a pillow for me? He pursed his lips and pulled his stiff hand away. “The police contacted my family, and I know everything now. I misunderstood you last night. I’m sorry.” I continued to look at him; his hand was very stiff and couldn’t bend, it seemed like I had been resting on it for a long time. He was the first to look away.

“The wedding… will all be champagne roses, everything you like will be arranged for the wedding.”

I was startled: “You confirmed with the designer?”

“Yutong said so.”

Just then, my phone vibrated. The wedding planner sent a message: “Ms. Xu, it has been confirmed with Ms. Yutong, all invitations have been changed to her name.” Oh, he didn’t know the bride wasn’t me. That’s fine, let it be a surprise. I nodded slightly, “I wish you happiness.”

He frowned slightly, a hint of confusion flashed in his eyes, then quickly returned to coldness. “This time, I owe you. Tell me what you want to make up for it.”

“No need,” I shook my head, “I’m willing.”

The phone rang abruptly. Seeing “Yutong” on the caller ID, he immediately answered: “Don’t be afraid, I’ll be right there.” He hung up the phone, unconsciously fiddling with the corner of the bedsheet: “I’ll wait for you at the wedding.”

“The wedding gift will arrive, but I won’t be there.” I curved my eyes, “Brother Yanzhao, I wish you a lifetime of peace and happiness, and peace every year.”

He frowned: “Don’t joke. If you don’t come, who will I marry? The groom and bride shouldn’t meet a few days before the wedding, it’s bad luck, that’s why I said I’d wait for you at the wedding.”

“Don’t overthink it. Since we’re getting married, I’ll take responsibility for you.”

With that, he hurriedly left me and departed. I quietly watched his retreating figure until he was no longer visible. A new message lit up on my phone:

“Peacekeeping Organization Remains Processing Team: Ms. Xu, your flight has been confirmed for two days later.”

I pressed reply: “Received.”

The wedding day arrived quickly. Lu Yanzhao stood in front of the dressing room door, the champagne roses in his hand crumpled, waiting to pick up the bride. He should have detested this wedding, yet at this moment, his chest was filled with an inexplicable anticipation. Time passed by, minute by minute, until the door opened. He unconsciously held his breath and looked over.

“Brother Zhao!” Xu Yutong walked out in her wedding dress, her cheeks flushed, “Am I not the most beautiful bride today?”

Lu Yanzhao’s body instantly froze in place.

“Why are you here?”

“Yanzhao!” The best man rushed over, “Xu Nanxing’s gift has arrived.”

Inside the gift box was the necklace he had given me, along with a greeting card. Lu Yanzhao unfolded the card; my handwriting pierced his eyes:

“Return to sender, no longer indebted. I wish you both a long and happy life together.”

The paper twisted and deformed in his fingers.

“Where is she?” Lu Yanzhao’s voice trembled.

The best man was about to speak when his phone rang urgently. After answering, his face suddenly turned ashen.

“Yanzhao, we just received news that the special plane of the peacekeeping organization that Xu Nanxing was on has crashed overseas—”

Airport VIP lounge, the cold light of the electronic screen reflected the final confirmation:

“Ms. Xu Nanxing, according to Article 17 of the ‘International Peacekeeping Organization Special Operations Regulations’ confidentiality clause, you have confirmed your participation in the organization’s Remains Processing Team’s ‘Zeroing Out’ action plan.”

“CE1316 flight will simulate a plane crash, and you will permanently lose your citizen status. Confirm execution?”

I signed my name, the pen tip tearing the paper. “Confirmed.”

The boarding gate flashed the flight number CE1316. When I boarded the plane to the war zone, it was exactly the time of Lu Yanzhao’s wedding. When he said “I do” at the ceremony, my name would be buried at the bottom of the sea along with the plane’s black box. The plane ascended to the stratosphere, and I pressed the send button:

“Yanzhao, peace every year.”

Twenty seconds later, a piercing alarm sounded from the cockpit. Amidst the violent turbulence of the plane, my phone suddenly vibrated wildly—the number of missed calls was increasing at an alarming rate. In the final, plunging weightlessness, I heard the pilot’s calm countdown over the intercom:

“3, 2, 1—”

The CE1316 plane crash was complete.

In another place, at the wedding venue, the music abruptly stopped. Lu Yanzhao stared intently at the phone screen the best man handed him; a breaking news alert had just popped up:

“Breaking: CE1316 flight crashes overseas, all 132 people on board killed.”

“Impossible,” his voice was like sandpaper, rough beyond recognition. “Xu Nanxing can’t die, absolutely not.”

Xu Yutong, pulling up her wedding dress, caught up to him: “Brother Zhao, the ceremony is about to begin!”

Lu Yanzhao violently shook off her hand, with such force that Xu Yutong staggered backward. His bloodshot eyes swept over everyone present, finally settling on Father Xu and Mother Xu.

“You knew she was going to the war zone?” His question was sharp as a knife.

Mother Xu’s face was ashen: “Nanxing just said she was going abroad for work…”

“Work?” Lu Yanzhao let out a piercing, cold laugh, “She was going to her death!”

He ripped off his boutonniere and threw it on the ground, then turned and rushed towards the exit. Behind him, Xu Yutong’s hysterical cries could be heard:

“Lu Yanzhao! If you dare to leave, this wedding isn’t continuing!”

Lu Yanzhao didn’t even look back. Rain lashed against the windshield, the wipers futilely swishing. Lu Yanzhao pressed the accelerator to the floor, the dashboard needle constantly veering to the right. His phone vibrated ceaselessly on the passenger seat, all calls from Xu Yutong. He turned it off directly, letting the darkness swallow the last shred of his sanity.

The airport hall was brightly lit. Lu Yanzhao rushed to the service desk, slamming his hands on the marble counter: “CE1316! Are there any survivors?”

The ground staff, startled by his ferocious expression, stammered while checking the system: “Sir… the search and rescue team is still…”

“I want the fastest flight to the crash site! Now! Immediately!”

“That’s a war zone, civilian flights can’t go there!”

Lu Yanzhao punched the counter, blood immediately seeping from his knuckles. He suddenly remembered something, pulled out his phone, turned it on, and shakily dialed a number.

“Old Chen, please help me, I need a military helicopter…”

“Yes, now… No, any amount of money is fine!”

Hanging up the phone, he stumbled and slid down against the wall to the floor. In his phone’s photo album, he found a photo of Xu Nanxing at age twelve, shielding him. Glass shards had pierced her back, blood staining her white school uniform. That was the first, and only, time he had seen her cry.

“You said you would always protect me, and be with me.” Lu Yanzhao mumbled to the photo, “Liar…”

A harsh screech of brakes sounded outside the airport. As Lu Yanzhao rushed out, a black car careened towards him, hitting him. The world spun. His last conscious thought was Xu Nanxing’s last message on his phone screen:

“Yanzhao, peace every year.”

The smell of disinfectant wafted into his nostrils. Lu Yanzhao opened his eyes and found himself lying in a hospital bed. His right leg was in a cast, and his forehead was bandaged. The hospital television was broadcasting a follow-up report on CE1316:

“It has been confirmed that all 132 people on board were killed. Body search operations have been forced to suspend due to the situation in the war zone…”

“Turn it off!” Lu Yanzhao roared, grabbing a water cup and smashing it at the television. Amidst the sound of shattering glass, a nurse rushed in in a panic.

“Mr. Lu, you can’t get out of bed!”

“She’s waiting for me!” Lu Yanzhao struggled to get up, but due to his leg injury, he fell heavily to the ground. He frantically tore at his IV needle, blood trickling down the back of his hand. “She must be waiting for me…”

Lu Yanzhao was trembling all over. He finally understood—all these years, he had built a high wall with his indifference, allowing Xu Yutong to [censored] make things difficult for me, yet he never admitted that those subconscious concerns, those undeniable cares, had already revealed his deepest struggles. He loved me, but dared not admit it. He loved me, but he hated being threatened by me repeatedly through self-harm. Therefore, he could only tell himself again and again—he loved Xu Yutong, it had to be Xu Yutong. As if this way, he could erase those moments his heart moved for me. It wasn’t until I died, until there was no Xu Nanxing left in this world, that he finally dared to face the heart that had long been beating for me. Unfortunately, it was too late.

At this moment, Lu Yanzhao’s heart finally synchronized with mine—but my heart would no longer beat for him.

A pair of gleaming leather shoes stopped in front of him. Lu Yanzhao looked up and saw Father Xu’s tired face.

“Don’t look anymore.” Father Xu’s voice was hoarse, “Nanxing… left a suicide note.”

Lu Yanzhao’s pupils contracted sharply. Father Xu took out an envelope from his briefcase, on it was Xu Nanxing’s elegant handwriting: “To Yanzhao.” Inside the envelope were only one photo and one page of paper. The photo showed Xu Nanxing at twenty-two, standing under a cherry blossom tree at the university, with a bright smile. The paper read:

“If I die one day, please scatter my ashes next to the snowman you built for me when I was twelve. That was the happiest moment of my life.”

Lu Yanzhao’s tears splattered onto the paper. He had built that snowman on a whim, and had long forgotten about it. But I remembered.

“And this.” Father Xu handed over an old phone, “Nanxing’s diary.”

Lu Yanzhao tremblingly opened it. The latest entry was written before boarding the plane:

“Finally signed the confidentiality agreement for the remains processing team today. It’s good, this way no one will find out even if I die. Yanzhao and Yutong are getting married, I should bless them. But why does my heart hurt so much? Like it’s been pierced by glass. But it doesn’t matter, I’ve been used to the pain since I was twelve.”

Every entry before that was about him:

“On the day I self-harmed, Yanzhao went to the Buddhist shrine again. I know he’s thinking of Yutong.”

“I made his favorite sweet and sour pork ribs, he didn’t touch a bite. I’ll try again tomorrow.”

“He had a fever, and I stayed up all night. He woke up in the morning and saw me, his eyes were so cold. But it’s okay, his hand was warm.”

Lu Yanzhao’s vision became increasingly blurred. He suddenly remembered that rainy night, Xu Nanxing, soaked through, standing at his doorstep, holding a bowl of freshly brewed ginger soup. And he just coldly closed the door.

The ward door was pushed open, and Xu Yutong, elegantly made up, walked in, still wearing her wedding dress. “Brother Zhao, the doctor said you can be discharged.” She said sweetly, “Our wedding…?”

“Get out.” Lu Yanzhao didn’t even lift his head.

Xu Yutong froze in place: “What did you say?”

“I told you to get out.” Lu Yanzhao looked up, his eyes as cold as ice. “If it wasn’t for you, she wouldn’t have left.”

Xu Yutong’s face instantly turned ashen: “Are you crazy? For that [censored]!”

Lu Yanzhao suddenly grabbed her neck, with such force that her feet left the ground. Father Xu rushed forward to intervene.

“She’s your sister!” Lu Yanzhao roared, “She almost died in the alley behind the bar trying to save you! And you’re still cursing her!!”

Xu Yutong broke free, screaming hysterically: “She deserved it! Who told her to steal my things! The spot was mine, and you were mine too!”

Lu Yanzhao suddenly laughed, a laugh that didn’t reach his eyes, like a dagger tipped with ice.

“Xu Yutong,” his voice was very soft, but every word pierced her heart, “Listen carefully—”

“I, Lu Yanzhao, was never yours.”

“And your sister, right until the end, never said a single bad word about you.” He raised his hand and flung the yellowed diary in front of her. The pages fluttered open, stopping precisely on the page—

“Yanzhao, I hope you and Yutong grow old together.”

“You must be happy.”

“That way, I can let go.”

Xu Yutong collapsed to the ground, her wedding dress stained with dust. The handwriting was gentle and fragmented, just like her sister’s eyes, always filled with tears, when she looked at Lu Yanzhao.

A month later, Lu Yanzhao stood in the backyard of the old Xu family residence. It was overgrown with weeds, no longer resembling the memory he held. Following the description in Xu Nanxing’s diary, he found the old槐树 (Chinese scholar tree). Beneath the tree was a small mound of earth, on which “Xu Nanxing’s snowman” was crookedly carved. It was the inscription he had carved with a branch when he was twelve. Lu Yanzhao knelt before the mound, gently placing my notebook into the prepared hole. As the first handful of soil fell, his tears finally broke free.

“I’m sorry…” he choked out, “I should have found out sooner.”

The wind blew through the branches of the scholar tree, rustling, like someone’s sigh. In the distance, Mother Xu quietly wept, holding my photo. The girl in the photo had a serene smile, her eyes full of starlight. Lu Yanzhao took out the string of prayer beads he never parted with from his pocket and gently placed them on the mound.

“I will find you.”

“Whether alive or dead.”

The sky in the war zone was always gloomy, like old cloth soaked in gunpowder smoke. I wore a heavy protective suit, a medical mask, and goggles, squatting in the rubble, slowly clearing bodies. There were no names here, only numbers.

“CE-17, male, approximately 25 years old, shrapnel wound, confirmed deceased.” I quietly recorded, wrapped his body in white cloth, and gently closed his half-open eyes. A comrade next to me handed me a faded pocket watch, inside which was a blurry photo—a young woman holding a baby, smiling gently.

“Family relic, keep it safe.”

I nodded, placing the pocket watch in a sealed bag and writing down its number. This was our work—to give the deceased their final dignity, and the living their final solace. Sometimes, I would find unsent letters, faded photos, or even blood-stained wedding rings on the bodies. I would carefully collect them, record them, and pray that one day they could be returned to their families. Even knowing that most of the time, their families had also died in the war.

“Xu! Another body found in the west sector!”

I stood up, dusted off my protective suit, and followed my comrade through the ruins. The body was pinned under a collapsed wall, with only a pale hand exposed. I knelt down and began to clear the debris.

“Careful, there might be unexploded ordnance,” my comrade reminded me.

I nodded, but my movements didn’t stop. —I was used to it. Here, death was the norm, and living was just luck. But at least, I could prevent these lost souls from being left exposed in the wilderness.

Lu Yanzhao arrived in the war zone, unwilling to die, standing at the CE1316 crash site, his feet on scorched earth. The search and rescue team shook their heads: “Mr. Lu, there really are no survivors. We’ve searched three times.”

“I don’t believe it.” His voice was hoarse, his eyes bloodshot. This past month, he had walked every inch of the scorched earth within a fifty-kilometer radius of the CE1316 crash site, turning over every body. No Xu Nanxing.

“Mr. Lu, you should go back. It’s very dangerous here.”

Lu Yanzhao said nothing, just took out a photo from his backpack—Xu Nanxing at twenty-two, standing under a cherry blossom tree, her smile bright.

“I will find her.”

“Alive, I need to see her; dead… I need to see her body.”

Dusk in the war zone always arrived suddenly, the sky stained dark red by gunpowder smoke. Distant, sporadic gunshots occasionally reminded him of the brutality of this land. Lu Yanzhao stood at the edge of the refugee camp, looking at the distant, hazy skyline. Three months had passed, and he still hadn’t found any trace of me.

“Mr. Lu! Tent three needs help!” a local nurse shouted in broken Chinese.

He collected his thoughts and hurried towards the medical tent. In these three months, he had transformed from a pampered young master into a volunteer skilled in treating war injuries. His hands had calluses, his face had scars, and his eyes held a deep, unresolvable gloom. Inside the tent, several injured children were quietly sobbing. Lu Yanzhao knelt down and skillfully cleaned the wound on a little girl’s leg.

“Bear with it, it’ll be over soon,” he comforted her softly in the local language he had just learned. The little girl bit her lip and nodded, tears tracing two white streaks down her dirty face. Just then, a commotion erupted outside the tent.

“Xu, she’s back!”

“Xu! There’s a child here with a fever!”

Lu Yanzhao’s hand trembled suddenly, and the tweezers fell to the ground with a crisp sound. He slowly looked up at the tent entrance—a slender figure stood there, backlit, wearing a faded protective suit, her hair simply tied back. She knelt down and gently stroked the head of a crying child, her voice impossibly gentle:

“Don’t be afraid, let me see.”

It was Xu Nanxing’s voice. Lu Yanzhao’s world froze at that moment. All sounds faded away, leaving only the deafening thud of his own heart. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

I seemed to sense something and looked up. Our eyes met. Lu Yanzhao felt that even after half a year apart, my eyes were still so bright, like they held starlight, but there were a few fine lines at the corners of my eyes, and deep shadows beneath them. At that moment, my pupils constricted slightly, but quickly returned to normal.

“You…” Lu Yanzhao’s voice was hoarse beyond recognition.

“Mr. Lu.” I nodded calmly, as if they were just ordinary colleagues, “Please hand me the tweezers.”

Lu Yanzhao mechanically picked up the tweezers and handed them over, his fingertips inadvertently brushing the back of my hand, sending a chill that startled him. I didn’t spare him another glance, turning to examine the child with a fever. Then I skillfully took the child’s temperature, prepared medicine, and gently coaxed the child to take it, remaining professional and distant throughout. Lu Yanzhao stood rooted, feeling as if something was tightly gripping his chest. He had imagined this reunion countless times, but never like this—I was alive, yet it felt as if mountains and oceans separated us.

“Xu, more deceased have been sent from the west sector!” a volunteer rushed over. I immediately stood up: “Going now.” I turned to Lu Yanzhao, “Mr. Lu, if you’re not busy, would you mind helping to care for these lightly injured people?” Without waiting for his answer, I had already walked away quickly. Lu Yanzhao watched my retreating figure, and suddenly noticed that my right leg was slightly limping—that was an old injury from saving Xu Yutong in the alley behind the bar last time. In such a harsh environment, it must constantly ache.

Night fell, and faint lights dotted the refugee camp. Lu Yanzhao stood outside the medical area, watching my busy figure moving between the tents. He silently calculated that I had been working for eight consecutive hours without a minute’s rest.

“She’s always like this.” An older nurse walked over, following Lu Yanzhao’s gaze. “Ms. Xu joined the remains processing team almost half a year ago, but she’s barely rested a day.”

“Last week, there was a stray bullet attack on the camp. She threw herself over the children, and her back was scratched by shrapnel, requiring thirty-two stitches. She still worked the next day.”

Lu Yanzhao’s heart ached fiercely. He remembered how I used to playfully complain to him about a small paper cut on my finger.

“Did she… ever say why she chose to come here?” he asked softly.

The nurse sighed: “She said that the living need to be healed, and the dead need to be remembered. She’s responsible for recording the information of every deceased person, saying it’s ‘ferrying the departed souls.’”

Just as she was speaking, an explosion suddenly sounded in the distance, followed by dense gunfire.

“Enemy attack! Everyone find cover!”

The camp instantly descended into chaos. Lu Yanzhao saw Xu Nanxing rush out of a tent, holding a child in her arms, directing others to evacuate.

“Xu Nanxing!” he shouted her name and rushed towards her. Just then, a stray bullet struck a nearby tent, and flames shot skyward. Lu Yanzhao watched, wide-eyed, as a burning crossbeam fell towards me—

“Careful!”

He lunged forward, shielding me and the child with his body. A searing pain spread from his back, but he ignored it, just holding me tightly in his arms, just as he had shielded me from the fatal car accident in our previous life.

“You…” I looked up at him, my eyes full of shock. Lu Yanzhao wanted to say something, but his vision went black, and he lost consciousness.

When he woke up again, he was lying face down on a medical tent bed, his back burning with pain. The tent was very quiet, with only a single kerosene lamp gently flickering.

“Awake?”

A familiar voice came from beside him. Lu Yanzhao turned his head with difficulty and saw me sitting by the bed, preparing medicine. There were deep shadows under my eyes, clearly indicating that I hadn’t rested.

“The child?” he asked hoarsely.

“Safe,” I replied briefly, handing him a glass of water. “You have second-degree burns on your back and need two weeks of rest.”

Lu Yanzhao didn’t take the water. Instead, he suddenly grabbed my wrist: “Why did you fake the plane crash? Why didn’t you tell me you were still alive?”

I was silent for a moment, then gently pulled my hand away: “Lu Yanzhao, you shouldn’t be here.”

“No!” He struggled to sit up, ignoring the severe pain in his back, “Nanxing, I know I was wrong. Give me a chance to make amends…”

“You don’t need to make amends for anything.” I looked at him calmly. “I chose to come here not to escape you, but because I found something I truly want to do.” I took out a notebook and opened it for him to see. Each page recorded information about the deceased—name (if identifiable), age, probable cause of death, and any items found on them that could prove their identity.

“This is the 173rd,” I said softly. “They shouldn’t just be cold numbers. It’s important that someone remembers they once lived.”

Lu Yanzhao looked at the neat handwriting in the notebook and suddenly understood something: he had never loved the Xu Nanxing who was obsessed with him, but rather the soul before him, who still maintained gentleness amidst the war.

“Let me be with you,” he held my hand, his voice choked, “No matter what my role.”

I looked at him quietly for a long time, finally nodding gently: “As you wish.”

Outside the tent, the first ray of dawn sunlight pierced through the gunpowder smoke, illuminating their clasped hands. In the distance, artillery fire sounded again, and new casualties would soon arrive. I stood up, tidied my medical bag, and walked towards the tent entrance. Lu Yanzhao watched my retreating figure and suddenly called out: “Xu Nanxing!”

I turned back.

“This time, I’ll wait for you,” he said, “No matter how long.”

I smiled slightly and walked into the morning light.

(End of Novel)